Comment by Gerin Canin on May 31, 2012 at 9:03pm

Bravo Maggie! This young person was my daughtter's friend and she is devastated.  She , like many overstressed teenagers suffers from depression, but has gotten the help she needs to cope. Because the schools are where we have the kids as a captive audience, it is there that attention to this matter needs to be stressed.  Not just in school assemblies, but teachers who really see the kids everyday and see what they write and  how they act in class need to step up and report to the counselors when behavior seems odd.  If it saves one teenager, its worth it.  Keep your eyes open in your classrooms educators!

Comment by Mayor Casey Tanaka on May 31, 2012 at 11:01pm

The world has become a more stressful and regimented place for kids in the last 10-20 years and I think we are seeing the toll that this stress is taking on our children. High Schoolers at CHS need to take six classes a year for four consecutive years in order to meet local or state graduation requirements and in the last decade or two, the pressure to load up on advanced or college level classes has also been immense. It is certainly harder today to get into the schools that we older folks were able to get into in the 1950s-1990s, and the current high school student is stressed out as a result of this rat race. In addition to the academic pressures they are coping with from six rigorous classes per day, they are also dealing with other expectations like getting a part-time job, putting in ample time with a sports team, SAT Prep, community service, peer and social pressures, and hoping to have free time when all these responsibilities have been satisfied for a given day/week/month. Graduating from CHS doesn't end the stress. Our twenty-somethings still need to meet similar expectations while in college and they also feel the pressures or stigmas that come with having to get a job or not wanting to let their loved ones down.

So what is the answer? We (parents, students, teachers, families, friends) need to help kids understand that there is more than one formula for success. You do not need to take every advanced course in the school's handbook while playing three sports and joining four service clubs. It is ok to focus on a couple key classes instead of four or five key classes. Once in a while, it is ok to fail. If you fail a test, it is not going to be the end of the world or stop you from attending college. We need to help kids cope and we need to help them see the big picture better. We need to let them know that a setback is not the end of the world, but an opportunity to grow or to adjust. Ultimately, where I think we as adults are failing is in sharing with students their many options in what will be a life full of opportunities and setbacks and that they have room for error and for choosing their own path rather than just one path paved only for the most ambitious.

Comment by Sue Shirey on June 1, 2012 at 9:50am

Thanks for bringing this into the open Maggie - and Mayor your comments are so true.  There are so many lessons to be learned here.  We should not allow any of the pain to be wasted and we can all improve how we deal with each other and how we handle our own lives.  What I've learned from my own experience of losing a child suddenly and tragically is that grief is a long, painful process.  It's not an illness to be cured with a pill.  It's not something you get over in a certain amount of time.  And it's a very individual experience.  So as we move forward with our lives please remember Bobby's family members.  If you don't know what to say just give a hug.  Don't be afraid to mention Bobby's name and don't be afraid of tears - yours or the families.  If you're not sure how to reach out send a card or bring over a meal.  Grief cannot be avoided, numbed, shortened, or stuffed, and just because you don't mention his name doesn't mean they aren't thinking about him.  We aren't taught to grieve, it's hidden from polite society and done privately, or in groups of other grieving people.  If we could share this experience, with our families, neighbors and especially with our children, and talk openly about death, loss, pain, sadness and ultimately hope we would be a much stronger, compassionate society.  God Bless the Mansueto family and Rest In Peace Bobby.  Say hi to James.

Comment by Mayor Casey Tanaka on June 1, 2012 at 10:41am

Amen Sue.

Comment by Daniel Wood on June 1, 2012 at 11:48am

We need to share love, hugs and smiles every day with our family and our community.

Comment by Steffenie Andreasen on June 1, 2012 at 12:10pm

My condolences to the Mansueto family in this terrible time.  I don't think any of us can understand the pain of someone who committs suicide.  They cannnot think rationally and only want the terrrible agony enveloping them to end.  It is the only solution they see. I do think our schools have done a good job of bringing this issue to light and of course we can all do more, but thank you to the steps CHS has already taken to educate and support our children in this area.

 Mayor Tanaka and Sue Shirey - I agree with all you wrote and applaud your honesty and insight.  And please parents - give your child a break - they do not need to achieve over a 4.0 and load up on every sport, activity and AP in sight and win every award possible.  Let them chill out!  They will still succeed and be MUCH HAPPIER!  And I admit to sometimes getting caught up in this frenzy myself.  But it is my own children who have been wise enough to point me back in the right direction. We live in a wonderful community, let us all support and care for each other.

Comment by Mayor Casey Tanaka on June 1, 2012 at 12:41pm

Well stated Steffenie!!

Comment by Ned E. Tolbert on June 1, 2012 at 1:10pm

I suggest we add to reading curriculum books like Lucifer's Hammer, On the Beach or other Apocalypic fiction. While these books foretell earthly plight and doom, they also have the dual-sided viewpoint of pointing out the joys of today's simple pleasures ...food, warmth, safety and the blessings of unblighted sunshine. I do not agree with Mayor Tanaka's position that kids today are under undue stresses - because their stresses are predominantly economic in nature [will I get a good job; will I be able to afford a BMW and live along the ocean]. The values of a simple life have been abandoned by the pressures of economic achievement, which, as we all know, are neither permanent nor earthly. As to stresses, I recall my high school years wondering if Vietnam was in my future, as I saw my brothers friends come home in pieces and in body bags. Pressure? ... well, 6 classes a year hardly amounts to the thought of walking thru a foreign jungle with an M-16 on my shoulder....

Comment by Mayor Casey Tanaka on June 1, 2012 at 1:30pm

Every generation faces different pressures and circumstances. I argue that we need to help them understand how to cope with these pressures. I am less inclined to think it is the job of teachers to tell kids what to value, but rather to inform them about what their options are.

Comment by Madison W. on June 1, 2012 at 4:40pm

I have been very hesitant in commenting on this young man's sudden death as I do not know him or his family.  This is such a tragic and sad event for a family to lose their child and never know what the causes of his depression were.  I have wondered if by chance this young man was bullied in school and this may have led to his sudden death.  Having only lived in Coronado for one year, my 2 children have never experienced as much bullying as in the CUSD schools.  What apalls me the most is that the children doing the bullying are the children of men and women who grew up in Coronado, attended the local schools , and returned to start their own families.  This is too small of a close-knit community for this to happen and if this was the cause of Bobby's death, then the ones that should feel the most guilt are the ones that bullied him as they drive over that bridge every day. God bless you Bobby and my sincere condolences to his family and friends.

Comment (keep it clean & on topic)

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